“This patient has been asking about sedation, so we’re thinking one of the interns can hit him over the head with something later today.”
toumeina-yami: i just put #resurrectionsunday and #turndownforwhat in the same facebook status.  i should seek professional help.

toumeina-yami:

i just put #resurrectionsunday and #turndownforwhat in the same facebook status.  i should seek professional help.

1
“i just realized that the ‘thriller’ dance goes perfectly to ‘call me maybe’.”
3
twelveclara: have you ever watched an episode of something that was so horrible you just sat there afterward like did a group of people really read this script and say ‘wow great idea’ (via eveningoutwithyourgirlfr13nd)

twelveclara:

have you ever watched an episode of something that was so horrible you just sat there afterward like did a group of people really read this script and say ‘wow great idea’

(via eveningoutwithyourgirlfr13nd)

17330
“Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is. I am not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do?”
9038
khaleesri: "no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel.  Omg I can’t (via veryveryfrightening)

khaleesri:

"no homo" I whisper as I look at my garden of pea plants. The progeny had expressed a 1:2:1 ratio of phenotypes. I am Gregor Mendel. 

Omg I can’t

(via veryveryfrightening)

79066
Driver, lower my tuition please. mxtori: ohnahhureallyneedtochill: misterdelfuego: ignoranceaintshit: supreme-insanity: I don’t have enough money for my basic needs.  Working 40+ hours just to pay my rent Now I don’t even have a single cent Tuition is high, I gotta pay for books Oh i’m so broke and I don’t wanna look I popped open my wallet, no funds to count my credit declined and my check just bounced Oh, there daddy, daddy betta bring that TAP Oh, baby, baby where my FASFA at? (via ethiopienne)

Driver, lower my tuition please.

mxtori:

ohnahhureallyneedtochill:

misterdelfuego:

ignoranceaintshit:

supreme-insanity:

I don’t have enough money for my basic needs. 

Working 40+ hours just to pay my rent

Now I don’t even have a single cent

Tuition is high, I gotta pay for books

Oh i’m so broke and I don’t wanna look

I popped open my wallet, no funds to count

my credit declined and my check just bounced

Oh, there daddy, daddy betta bring that TAP
Oh, baby, baby where my FASFA at?

(via ethiopienne)

17032
What I said: I'm getting ready for bed. What I meant: I'm kneeling in front of my mirror, spritzing water and applying 2-3 different products to my hair in sections so it doesn't dry out, get tangled, and break off while I sleep (on my satin pillowcase). Hopefully I'll be asleep within the hour.
84
“I’m not pregnant; I have ascites.”
“Couldn’t keep it 100 if you had 20 hands.”